Secret confession time

I actually enjoy writing exams.

To me, writing exams is like putting together a puzzle. You have all the pieces there: all of the topics that you want to cover on the exam (the ones you've covered in class since the last exam, along with the ones you want to reinforce/retest from previous exams. In CS, it's hard to have an exam that is not at least partially cumulative). And you have the ways in which the pieces can fit together: the concepts within the topics that you want to test. Putting these together in such a way that (a) the exam assesses the students' learning in an appropriate way and (b) the exam is do-able within the allotted time is, to me, an interesting challenge.

My strategy for writing exams has evolved over the years, but I've finally settled on something that seems to work well for me. First, I put off writing the exam until the day before. This is probably not the most effective working strategy, but I find that I just cannot write an exam until the day before. However, I probably start thinking about the exam about a week before I start writing it: what have we covered? what would be a good way to test that particular concept? would a problem like X be too weird/too esoteric for this crop of students? So by the time I sit down to write it, I already have some good ideas for questions.

Second, I sit down and list all of the topics that we've covered since the last exam, along with any other topics I want to include on this exam. For each topic, I list two categories: "base knowledge" and "master knowledge". The "base knowledge" category lists the basic things I want students to know about a topic, the things that I think demonstrate the most basic understanding of a topic. The "master knowledge" category lists things that demonstrate what I think constitute "mastery" of a topic: things that show that students understand the topic and can reason about it in unfamiliar contexts. (Or, to put it bluntly, the level of understanding needed to earn an A for that particular topic.)

Third, I take each topic and the knowledge lists, along with the scattered ideas for questions that have been floating around in my head all week, and start to structure each question. The knowledge lists help shape each question, and also help me tailor the exam to the exam context. For instance, an in-class exam will focus more on base knowledge than on mastery (maybe 80%/20%, sometimes 70%/30% depending on the level of the class), while on a take-home exam the mix may be closer to 60%/40%. I also think about the context when structuring the exam: on a take-home, for instance, I'm more comfortable writing a problem that is instructive as well as assessive (is that a word?)---a question in which the students learn something even as they are demonstrating their understanding of a topic.

Fourth, I treat writing an exam like writing a paper: I write a first draft, print it out, then leave it alone for a couple of hours before going back to edit it. This helps me disconnect from the exam a bit and go back to it with a somewhat fresh perspective. Often while editing, I will actually do the problem, to make sure that my assessment of the difficulty level and time required matches up with the actual problem I've written. I will sometimes bug my colleagues to help me with the wording on questions, too.

This process is a bit time-consuming, but as a result I am rarely unhappy with an exam that I've written. The process forces me to be thoughtful about how I'm assessing the learning in my classes. It forces me to really think about *what* I want my students to know and *how* I want them to demonstrate that to me. And I think ultimately, it's made me a more thoughtful teacher as well: while planning out a new unit, I'll often think "what do I want my students to demonstrate to me at the end of this?" And I hope that ultimately, that makes me a more effective teacher as well.

Playing around with Blogger

Those of you who read me on Bloglines (or other RSS readers/aggregators) may see some of my older posts become "new" again. I just switched to Blogger Beta and I'm going to be playing around with the whole tagging thing. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you didn't think my blog had gone all wacky. Thanks for your patience!

A sign from the universe

I've been spending the whole evening procrastinating on doing some work for one of my classes. This is something I promised my class would be done over the weekend, but I didn't get around to it, so I promised I'd do it tonight. It's not a particulary hard thing---maybe 30-45 minutes of work---but for some reason I just couldn't get motivated to do it.

This work requires me to be logged in to our course management system. Which, it appears, is currently down.

I'm interpreting this as a sign from the universe to shut down my computer and go to bed early. Thank you, Universe!

A new chapter

I've been debating for a while whether or not to blog about this. If I do, there's a good chance my anonymity (such as it is) may be a bit more compromised. And since my (perception of) anonymity has been important to me---it allows me to be a bit freer to share things, particularly about the culture of this profession, that I might not feel comfortable about otherwise---this is no small issue. On the other hand, the thing about which I haven't blogged is actually part of the reason I've been a bit more quiet than usual on here lately. It's been a big part of my life for the past few months, something that has really touched almost every aspect of my life. And because of this, I wanted to talk about it, but didn't feel comfortable talking about it, and it sometimes felt weird to talk about my life without talking about it. (Does that make sense? I hope so.)

So I've decided that this is important enough, and big enough, that I have to share it. Even if it means that I'm a bit less anonymous. This is going to affect everything I do, and in some respects who I am, and it seems unnatural to not talk about it here. So I've taken a few precautions (you'll notice the archives are gone, and I've made the blog non-searchable/indexable from this point on) in regards to anonymity, and now I'm ready to reveal the reason behind this post's title:

I'm pregnant.

And so, a new chapter in the life of Jane begins.....

The resident expert on....mentoring?

This year, I have sometimes felt as though I am not listened to, or taken seriously, during department meetings and other related meetings. It is a frustrating experience, to say the least. Oddly, I don't think it's completely intentional---I think a lot of it is just the same old stupid phenomenon of women's voices just aren't heard in meetings, in general. But it happens, and it stinks when it does.

In our most recent meeting, though, I found that I had the rapt attention of everyone else in the room. For once, everyone stopped and actually listened to what I was saying, without interrupting. For once, everyone took what I said seriously and treated it as important.

The topic? Mentoring and recruiting of students. Particularly women students. Apparently I have become the resident expert on such matters. (Maybe this is finally an acknowledgement that all those "crazy" ideas I have for getting students to seriously consider taking our classes and majoring in our discipline seem to be working, as evidenced by the number of students who go on from my classes to take other classes and eventually become majors? Which I've known for a while, but which everyone else seems to be in a bit of denial about. Or taking credit for themselves.)

I find this really interesting. I have worked hard to be an effective mentor to all of my students, but particularly to those students who don't exactly fit the mold of the "typical" computer nerd. I work hard at convincing students to take the next CS course, to think seriously about CS as a major. And most importantly, I work very hard at making it all personal, particularly when recruiting students into any of our courses. This is all somewhat of a no-brainer to me: treat others as you wish to be treated, etc. And it works. But apparently it's not as much of a no-brainer to others as I would have thought. And that's good, because apparently that makes me look like a genius. And when all is said and done, it's nice to be recognized for something that I do that is so important to me.

scientiae-carnival

Stuff you've done meme

As seen at b*'s and at The Paper Chase. The stuff I've done is in bold.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins -- well, I kayaked with them, isn't that close enough? They came right up to the kayak! Definitely one of my coolest vacation moments ever.
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea - from the shore -- actually, I've seen one while at sea, too. Very cool.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch -- all the time! I don't like store-bought cookies, normally.
78. Won first prize in a costume contest -- I've won prizes before, but never first. Damn.
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country -- no, but I'd love to do so!
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language -- well, I supervised a group of students who did this, does that count?
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Random Thursday Snippets

* Who knew that the Louisville/West Virginia game would be such a high-scoring game? It's been fun to watch.

* I've been on the phone for hours tonight. My ears hurt.

* I got some great professional news this week. I can't go into details, but let's just say it's an opportunity that will really help my external visibility. Score!

* I make this casserole that, if you just consider the ingredients, sounds really gross. The ingredients: creamed corn, onions, broccoli, navy beans, egg, and stuffing mix. But oddly, it is yummy--perfect fall comfort food.

* I went to campus today and kept my door shut the entire day. Wow, did that do wonders for my productivity! (It probably didn't do wonders for my collegiality, but who cares?)

* Another reason I was able to be so productive today: no class prep. My students are doing group work for the whole period in each of my classes tomorrow. I love it when learning occurs without me!

Frustration defined

There is nothing worse than thinking that you can spend about 20 minutes editing an assignment you're handing out tomorrow that you *know* you've written already, then going to edit the assignment and not being able to find it, anywhere.

So much for that relaxing Sunday night I had planned!

Small victories

I am so proud of myself. Three hours this morning of research! All writing! Totally focused! And moving forward, a concrete plan for what to do with the smaller research time blocks between now and my next large research block, so that I can continue to make progress.

It almost makes me feel good about spending the afternoon on class prep and the dreaded grading.

Scattered thoughts on mentoring

Although I can't find the post now (I really need to start tagging these things), you may remember that last year I was contemplating "firing" one of my mentors---for lack of interest and for generally not being very helpful at a time when I really needed his input and advice. I decided at the time to wait and see what happened, to give him another chance, and to maybe start exploring other mentoring relationships. (Jeez, this sounds a lot like dating talk, doesn't it?)

A couple of weeks ago, I had another meeting with this mentor, and it went extremely well. I had two potentially thorny areas to discuss with him, one of which was the dreaded Departmental Culture Issue, and the discussion could not have gone any better. He was sympathetic, and helpful, and encouraging. He identified things that he could do (and is now doing, to his credit). He also, on a third topic I brought up (as a pie-in-the-sky idea I'd been thinking about for a while), gave me a list of people to go talk to and encouraged me to "take this idea, run with it, and make yourself visible on this! you should be the driving force behind this!" It was an excellent meeting, and left me feeling all warm and fuzzy afterwards.

So that was good, obviously.

This of course was tempered by a not-quite-as-positive mentoring experience (same person). I was going through notes I had written to myself at the beginning of the year, and found a set of notes from a meeting with the same mentor. On this list were a set of specific things that this mentor said he would do this year to help get me on the right track towards tenure. This mentor has done a grand total of one of those things. Now, granted, the majority of the blame should fall on me here for not reminding him of what he promised to do, and I take full responsibility. But there is a part of me that's annoyed that if I hadn't noticed this, it would have just fallen by the wayside. So I guess what I'm struggling with is how much responsibility should you take for your own mentoring, and also how much "checking in" should you expect from your mentors? Clearly there's an appropriate middle ground between "mentee takes all the responsibility" and "mentor takes all the responsibility", and this middle ground should skew way more towards the mentee's end than the mentor's end. But I kind of feel like with this particular relationship, it's too far skewed in my direction, and I don't know if that's normal or not.

Finally, on a partially-related note, I've decided that I need a research mentor. Or a research buddy. I have not found an appropriate research mentor within my department, unfortunately, and so I need to look elsewhere. Partly to help keep me on track with my research (no more setbacks!!), and partly with more practical stuff (is this conference appropriate, why does this paper keep getting rejected, how do I get on this program committee). I think I need to recultivate some of my former contacts---I was good for a while keeping in touch with my research network, but to be honest the stress of last year made me want to hole up and not talk to anyone. So that's my new task for the month.

Signs that I might be burned out

The other day, I actually counted the hours I have left in the classroom until my sabbatical starts (I'm on leave for the rest of the school year).

Think I might be looking forward, just a bit, to my time off from teaching??

I guess that's why they call it research

So as I alluded in my last post, research is once again commencing. Slowly, but surely. One thing I've gotten really good at is jotting down notes to myself of "things to do later", and there was one of these items in particular that was an easy experiment to run and, if successful, would yield very useful results for yet another paper. So that's where I started.

I fell into the trap of envisioning the finished paper, with the results I was so sure I would get forming the centerpiece. If it's possible to salivate over anticipated research results, I was definitely salivating. All I had to do was set up and run the experiments, write the paper, and life would be good.

You can see where this is going, right?

Of course, I got different results. Worse, they weren't even totally different results---they were different enough from what I was expecting, but with some unexpected surprises in there too. In a sense, the experiments didn't prove my theory, but didn't completely disprove it either. These results have me thoroughly and completely baffled. (And yes, I've verified several times over that there was no error in the experiments---these results are definitely the correct ones.)

These moments, of course, are the ones that we scientists hope for---the ones that challenge our assumptions and may lead us to new discoveries. (They might also just lead to dead ends, but let's not dwell on the negative just yet.) And on one level, I'm really, really intrigued by what may come of this. But right now, I'm in that completely uncomfortable stage: the only thing I know is that it didn't work, but I have no idea why or what this data is telling me. And I'm not even sure where to begin looking for the answer.

I could have really used an easy, quick, and painless result at this point, given how much I've struggled with research motivation lately. Finding the patience to deal with this uncertainty now is tough. I just have to keep reminding myself that the potential payoff is high, and that I just have to keep plugging away until the answer becomes obvious to me--because it will, eventually.

Random Thursday Morning Snippets

* Apparently "doing just enough to get by" has found its way into my blogging habits, too. Oops. I do have a lot to say (I still go around mentally composing blog posts in my head), but this week the last thing I've felt like doing in the evenings at home is turning on my computer (and the late nights at school aren't helping, either). I'll be back to regularly-scheduled blogging soon, I promise.

* The research impasse has been overcome---I am once again regularly doing research. It is going painfully slowly, since I'm in a phase where I'm (a) debugging code and (b) trying to figure out my students' code and (c) I'm limited to half-hour or hour-long blocks, but research is happening again. Happy happy joy joy!

* Yesterday I did a Bad Thing. I skipped out on a lunch with a visiting bigwig. I should have gone, really. But it was clear across campus and sandwiched (hee!) into my really short break between my two classes, and the last thing I felt like doing after my first class was schlepping myself over there and then running back for class #2. So I skipped. And I felt relieved, strangely, about letting that commitment go.

* However, the universe punished me for my actions, since no lunch meeting = no lunch = time to hit our evil overpriced gross snack bar. 6 bucks for a veggie burger and Sun Chips, no drink. (I think they double-charged me for the cheese.) Highway robbery. And the food made me sick, too, for the rest of the afternoon. This is why I always pack my lunch.

* A tale of two classes: My first class yesterday went spectacularly well. My second class yesterday fell spectacularly flat. Sometimes I think there is an inverse relationship between time spent prepping a class and how well the class goes.

* After resolving this student problem (well, it actually resolved itself, which was nice---I've had no problems with those students since), I now have a new set of problem students. This one's a group of 3, and they apparently are big into the note-passing. How they think I don't notice them doing this is a mystery to me. Sigh. I have a plan for dealing with these students, though, so I think I'll be able to nip this in the bud rather easily. But I hate having to waste time and energy dealing with junior-high level behavior. This is college, people; grow up already!

Doing just enough to get by

I am really disgusted with my lack of work ethic lately.

The best way to characterize the way I'm operating is "doing just enough to get by" (hence, the title of this post). It seems like I only have energy and time to do what's minimally necessary to not get fired from my job. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration---what I mean is that I am just doing what's absolutely necessary at this point for me to get by in the classroom without sucking, doing whatever admin stuff is absolutely necessary, and chucking the rest out the window. (On the flip side, I'm getting enough sleep for the first time in my life. That feels good.)

Unfortunately, this includes my research. And that's what really bothers me.

I have never struggled to get research done before. Research is something I strongly believe in, love to do, and more importantly have always made time (and set aside energy) to do. I started off the year ok, and having a paper deadline helped a bit. But ever since that paper was submitted, I've done nothing. Diddly squat. Not even so much as crack my research notebook open.

Could it be burnout? Maybe, but I've had tough deadlines before, met them, and carried on. Could it be the conference last week disrupting my schedule? Maybe, but I'd hate to use that as an excuse. Could it be that subconsciously, I'm thinking it doesn't matter because I'm on leave the rest of the school year? That could be part of it. Regardless of the reason, I need to and want to get back into the research habit.

I've struggled this entire school year with my workload balance in general, so much so that I even made myself a schedule for every day, with research (and exercise, and class prep) time scheduled in every day. But what I find myself doing is totally blowing off my schedule. I find other things that "need" to be done during my class prep time, or my research time, and do those instead of what I should be doing.

My goal for the rest of the week is to figure out what's blocking me right now, why time management seems to elude me, and what specific steps I can take to solve the problem. (Maybe I need to dig up my copy of The Now Habit and re-read it; that's helped me before.) And, of course, to go back to my schedule, take one of those hours set aside for research, and just do it.

Conference blogging, day 3: final thoughts

Well, I'm not sure how qualified I am to blog about today's part of the conference, since I only went to the keynote and then skipped out on the rest of the sessions to pack, check out, and then, um, head to the mall across the street. I guess I was just all conferenced out. (But I did enjoy the mall, and got a present for Mr. Jane, so it's not all bad.)

The keynote this morning was pretty interesting. I had no idea that iRobot (makers of the Roomba) (a) had so many products and (b) was also in the military market. Helen Greiner's talk was interesting and funny, but she got one question at the end about ethics that I wish she had answered more effectively. (basically, the question was her opinion on people using their technology for evil rather than good.) Plus, we got coupons! Free stuff is always good.

Overall, I think I got more out of this conference than I did out of the last one. I think this is because I felt I networked much more effectively at this conference. Maybe because I've been in my present position longer and feel more comfortable/established? Maybe because the further I get in my career, the more fearless I get about approaching people I don't know, and in general feel more comfortable in my own skin? Maybe a bit of both. But I feel like I made more lasting connections at this conference than I did at the last.

The undergrads I brought did wonderfully here---I overheard them talking to a recruiter today and they were asking excellent, articulate questions; and they've been telling me stories all during the conference about talking to people in industry about their jobs, etc. They definitely had a great experience, and I'm hoping I can harness their newfound energies once we all get back to campus.

I'm also hoping that I can harness some of the energy I've gotten from this conference as well---to continue what I'm doing on my own campus, even when it's not supported; to continue to perservere to make things better, even when it seems rather bleak. I've seen the future here, and I want that future to be everywhere.

And now, back to our regularly-scheduled lives.

Conference blogging, day 2

Greetings from day 2 of the conference! It was a fabulous, yet exhausting, day today. The day started at 8-ish and we left the sponsor parties at 10-ish, and I never did get to sneak back to my room to nap at all. So again, I'll just give some highlights from the day, from my perspective.

* Sally Ride was today's keynote speaker. I've seen her speak before (and it was mainly the same talk again), but she is amazing. Truly amazing. She got a standing ovation, the only keynote speaker so far that's gotten that sort of reception. (and totally well-deserved, not just for her talk but for all she's done and continues to do for women in science.)

* I ended up skipping more sessions today than I intended because I got into long conversations that overlapped sessions. But hey, meeting people is the really important part of this conference, anyway.

* I did go to a very interesting talk this morning on what I can best describe as a unique service learning project going on at (where else?) Carnegie Mellon. In a nutshell, students consult on projects in developing countries. Very inspirational, and definitely something we as a field should do more of.

* I also saw a really interesting talk in one of the PhD forums on Alice---this student made some modifications to Alice to make it easier/more natural for middle school students to construct and create stories. The best news is that these modifications will be released in a few weeks, as an extension I think to the original software.

* It felt like faculty day! There was a faculty lunch, at which I met a ton of really cool people, and also a confidential advice session for junior faculty. It was so refreshing to network with other female faculty members, and I feel like I learned a lot from the people I talked to. I may have found a few mentors and a few junior faculty with whom to network remotely, so that's definitely a good thing too.

* The conference has just been so well done. (Well, except for the wireless access, which was flaky today.) There's been a lot of attention to detail, tonight's sponsor parties were very well done, and everything just seems to flow smoothly. It's been a great experience.

Tomorrow is the last day, and only a half-day. I will probably just go to the keynote (Helen Greiner, the founder of iRobot---cool!), and then relax for the rest of the morning. But never fear, I'll give my final report tomorrow.

Conference blogging, day 1

Greetings from the conference! It's been a long, full day and I'm exhausted, but I couldn't let the day pass without at least commenting a bit on the conference. I'm feeling a bit too scattered right now to do anything too detailed or thoughtful about specific talks and such, so instead I'll do an impressions/bullet points/random snippets of interest from today's festivities.

First, though, one of the things I appreciate most about this conference, and one of the things I forget until I get here, is just how incredibly empowering and fulfilling this conference is. It may sound trite, but to be in a place with 1300 other cool, interesting, smart, technical women; to go to talks where women rule the microphone and the audience is 98% women, and no one is afraid to look stupid by asking a question; to meet so many interesting women from all over academia, industry, and the world; is truly the best experience in the world. This conference energizes me like nothing else does, and makes me hopeful for the future. It also makes me fervently wish that CS could *always* look like this, or at least closer to this. It is amazing!

OK, now for my thoughts and highlights and such:
* The big news, announced at tonight's banquet, is that the conference is going to every year instead of every other year. Hooray! The next one will be in Orlando and will be later in October (of 2007). I expected that this would happen eventually; it's nice to see it happen now.

* Lots of talk this morning in the intro and keynote about numbers, about how CS is the only STEM field that's *lost* women since the 80's, about making work more family-friendly. Shirley Tilghman's keynote touched on a lot of these themes, too.

* Shirley Tilghman also commented on the moral obligation we have to diversify the field. That really resonated with me. (Also, it was either her or Jan Cuny that quoted a statistic that 70% of the population was women, minority, or disabled---also making the case for diversifying the field. Kind of a no-brainer when you put it that way! although I had never heard that number before---anyone have more insight about that?)

* The undergrads I brought with me are having a blast. I know this because they started blowing me off at breakfast this morning (in a positive way, of course). I take this as a sign that they are meeting people, which is exactly what I want them to do.

* Every session I went to today was very good, but the one that stands out the most was about ethics in computing, a talk given by Deborah Johnson from UVA. Very thought-provoking! Her point was that technology and computers are not inherently neutral, as we like to believe, but that they are sociotechnical constructs. Good stuff.

* I also went to a lively BOF session on whether "female-friendly science" is a good thing or whether it's just a euphemism for "watering down" science. Lots of interesting comments in that session---and to some extent, the dissent fell along age lines, which was really interesting. (a bit of the whole "young women don't feel they need feminism anymore" phenomenon, perhaps.)

* I brought the fabulous new bag with me, and I've already received a compliment on it. Woo hoo!

That's all I got---watch for another installment tomorrow.

News flash: Gender bias is alive and well

I wish I could blog about what happened to me today, but I fear the details would be too revealing. Suffice it to say that I attended a meeting today in which it was demonstrated that gender bias is not only alive, but kicking and thriving, in my department. (Think of every stupid, uninformed, biased comment you've ever heard uttered about women in CS, and it probably came up in today's meeting. And every single one of my colleagues was complicit in this. Every last one.)

I am so frustrated right now that I could cry. Sadly, I expected that the discussion would go exactly this way, and I was 100% correct. The most frustrating thing? No one in my department recognizes or acknowledges that hey, they might be part of the problem. How can you point out to people that they are being unreasonable when they refuse to acknowledge or even consider the possibility? Or when they accuse you of overreacting or being overly sensitive, and thus don't feel like they have to take you or your (perfectly legitimate) concerns seriously?

This is all so ironic, given that this happened on the eve of Grace Hopper. We have a looooooong way to go, people. And I'm quickly learning that, at least where I am, this might be a losing battle I'm fighting.

Working with undergraduate researchers: Giving difficult feedback

This afternoon, I had to give some constructive, yet difficult, feedback to my undergrad research students. They are presenting their work in a few weeks and wanted me to read over what they had so far. What they had so far was not so good.

It's tricky to figure out how to give this kind of feedback to students. On the one hand, I want this presentation to represent their own work in their own words. This is their presentation, after all, and part of the learning experience of "how to do research" is "how to present your results to various audiences". On the other hand, my name is on this work too, and because of that part of me feels this need for "quality control" over the final product. If the presentation of the work is not good, this reflects poorly on me, too.

Where do you draw the line between feedback and control in these situations?

I've had students present work like this before, and maybe I've been lucky, but they did a pretty decent job on their own with minimal input from me. (Sure, there were things I would have done differently, but nothing truly cringe-worthy made it into the final presentation.) But those students also needed less hand-holding in general throughout their projects. These students are different---they required quite a bit of hand-holding during their project. I think on some level they do understand what they did, but maybe not as deeply as the other students did, and they are doing a really poor job of presenting that information. But it's hard to tell students, essentially, "nice try, but you've completely missed the point." And figuring out how to give them the feedback I feel is necessary for them to do a good job on this, in a way that is not soul-crushing, is really, really tough.

What I did was point out the strengths of the presentation so far---there were just a few, but there were some, and that's a good start. And then I gave them a somewhat detailed description of what was missing, with concrete suggestions for how to fix some of the more glaring flaws. I tried to phrase this in terms of "you're pitching this to the wrong audience", and gave them some specific questions to answer among themselves that will hopefully get them thinking about the research in a broader context and get them thinking critically about the details they should and should not include in their presentation. It was longer than I intended---I acknowledged that, and put all the important stuff into bullet points at the end labeled "Concrete Stuff to Do".

I tried to use encouraging and positive language as much as possible, but the fact still remains that there was a lot of criticism of their work in there. So I worry a bit about how the students will take this. Ideally, they take it to heart and come up with a much better next version of this. Worst case, they become demoralized.

This is just another reminder, I guess, of how difficult it is sometimes to teach students how to "do" research, in any field. And more importantly, how difficult it is to both give criticism and teach students how to deal with criticism. It's a valuable lesson for them to learn, but one that I did not enjoy teaching them at all.

Resolutions for the week

Looking at my schedule for this week and the many, many due dates coming up this week, I'm going to have to be *really* organized to get everything done (and still keep my sanity). But even with everything on my to-do list, there are little things that I can do that will help my productivity. So, this week I resolve to do things that will help my productivity and my sanity:

* Close my office door. I don't have to be available all the time. It's ok to pretend I'm not around for a couple hours a day.

* Work at home when I can, even if it's just for an hour or two before going to campus. I've been much more productive at home lately; I'm not sure if that's because I'm not being interrupted all the time at home, or if I feel more comfortable at home (less stressed out about being on campus), or a combination of the two.

* Keep my research time sacred.

* Use "found time" for research. (what a great week to have a standing meeting cancelled! I'm very lucky.)

* Continue to make time to work out. Even if it's just a half-hour walk at lunch.

* Focus on the task at hand and the time I have available, rather than what's left to do.

* Kick perfection to the curb. If there ever was a time for "good enough", this is it!

Signs that my job is taking over my life

I had a dream last night that I was being held hostage by some sort of evil computer man. (I forget his title in the dream, but it was something really corny like Lord Programmer.) I knew that if I stood still for even a minute, Lord Programmer would capture, restrain, and torture me, so I spent most of the dream on the run and trying to get work done (note: it's hard to type and walk at a brisk pace). But eventually, I had to stop moving for a minute, and that's when Lord Programmer's minions---who in this dream were being played by my four favorite students, past and present---captured me. I knew what I was in for and started screaming wildly, trying to get free. That's when I woke up, fortunately.

I have found it very hard to keep my work from taking over my life this year, so the fact that I had a dream like this is not at all surprising. I feel like I work all the damn time and yet get nothing done. And when I'm not working, I feel guilty about it---which I realize is totally ridiculous and unhealthy, but that doesn't stop the guilt. Or worse, I take a break (such as an evening off), and then feel frantic the next day about all of the work I need to get done to "make up" for the time off.

I need to get a grip. Clearly I haven't found the work mode that works for me this semester/term, and clearly I need to figure out what that is, pronto, for my sanity and my health.

Testing the limits

I am teaching a class that has a high number of freshmen boys young men in it. So far, the energy and attitude of the class has been overwhelmingly positive, and the students are great, individually and as a group. But given the demographics, and given that I am a young-looking female authority figure, I figured it was a matter of time before someone in the class tested me.

That moment came today.

It wasn't anything blatantly bad (and I've certainly had to deal with Mr. Toxic in my classes before---today's issue was not even in the same universe as that). It was basically two overly-chatty young men in the front row who were just a little too disruptive to the class. Now normally, I'm ok with a little bit of chatter, when it's students clarifying points for each other or asking "did you get that?". That's fine, as long as it's kept discreet and short. This was neither. This was prolonged and obvious.

My first strategy in this situation is to stare directly at the chatters and say loudly "is there a question?" This is usually enough to mortify one or both participants into silence, or if not then they're usually bright enough to know that what I'm really saying is SHUT UP ALREADY and they comply. So of course I tried that, and it had no effect.

Because I was still trying to assess the situation (clueless freshmen or testing-authority freshmen?), I stuck to more subtle forms of shut-up-please strategies for the rest of the class period: standing directly in front of them while talking to the class, glaring focusing my glance on them more frequently, using the line "So-and-so just had a great question; let's all pay attention while she repeats it for us." After reflecting on their behavior and on how the class went, I'm convinced that this was definitely a mild testing-of-authority. I don't think they meant to do it maliciously; rather, I suspect this is part of the I'm-away-from-home-for-the-first-time-let's-see-what-I-can-get-away-with adjustment to college. But I do know that I have to nip this in the bud, because I can see this getting out of hand rather quickly if I don't do something.

Figuring out what to do in this situation is always tricky. I suspect I will see what happens on Wednesday, and step in more quickly if I have to. I suspect I will have to talk to one or both chatters after class and let them know what's acceptable behavior and what is not. I just have to figure out what's the best way to convey to them that I may look like Dr. Nice Gal, but that doesn't mean that they don't owe me the same respect that they give to their other professors. And I have been known to turn into Dr. Raging Mean Prof when pushed too far. And that they really don't want to go there.

We'll see how it goes.

Embracing "good enough"

As a recovering perfectionist, one of the things I struggle with is leaving things "good enough". In some areas of my life---my research, especially---I've come a really long way. For instance, I am getting pretty good about sending out results in a more timely manner, rather than holding on to them until they are "perfect". Sure, this means that the reviews the first time I send something out are not all sweetness and light, but sending out my work earlier = more feedback earlier = better work as a result. So this is one place where "good enough" is actually much more effective than "perfect".

I'm having a much harder time doing "good enough" in my teaching, though, and I think this might be one of the big things that's standing in my way.

I'm a detail person. That's why I got into this field---all those little technical details are so darned fascinating! Unfortunately, sometimes I get so hung up in the details part that I forget that there's a big picture lurking in there. I tend to focus on the details so much that those details become the focus, rather than the big picture being the focus. And that gets me into trouble---because the students need the big picture (and can probably handle figuring out those fascinating details on their own, for the most part).

Today was a perfect example of this sort of behavior. The original plan: class prep in the morning, freeing up at least part of the afternoon for research. In one class, I'm teaching a topic I've taught several times before, but haven't been really happy with the example I used. So part of this morning's class prep task was to find/develop a better example, and then outline the class based on and around that example. Perfect situation for "good enough", right? Yet I got completely mired in the details. Rather than picking a "good enough" example and running with it, I got stuck trying to find the "perfect" example for this topic. You know, the one that is easy enough to use in a class period yet cutting-edge and current, pedagogically perfect....etc. I completely got lost in the details---the actual example---to the point of forgetting, well, the point: the core concept that I want my students to LEARN. I spent way too much time on this task, which meant that instead of relaxing at home tonight, I'm sitting here writing up my class outline instead. Bleh.

My most successful classes have been the ones where I've let go of the need for perfection, let some of the details slide, and focused on a couple of key concepts. I did this pretty consistently in my intro class last year, from start to finish, with great success. And you know what? The students *learn more*. Much more. And are happier. Which makes me happier, and more relaxed as a teacher, and thus more effective as a teacher.

I'm making a concerted effort to teach less perfectly this year, although as today's example shows, I have a long way to go on this. I do wonder, though, why a lesson I've embraced in other areas of my life is so hard to embrace in my "teaching life".

technorati tag: teaching-carnival

Academic resolutions broken ALREADY

You'd think I'd be able to get through September at least without breaking my academic resolutions, but no. I worked both days this weekend. This is bad, because this week is going to be crazy and I really should have had more downtime this weekend to mentally prepare for it. I'm going to be paying for this come Wednesday, when I'm burned out and crabby.

Oh well. I will force myself to shut off the computer...soon...maybe...

Conference blogging

This morning's email brought an annoucement about various things related to this conference. One of the things was a call for volunteers to "live blog" the conference.

I am torn as to whether or not I want to do this.

On the one hand, I definitely plan on blogging from the conference. It was such a great experience for me last time that I want to (a) share it with others who can't make it, and (b) have somewhat of a record for myself of my impressions, etc.

On the other hand, I'm a bit wary about being public about my blogging. I worry that blogging during sessions will make it easy for people to glance over and match up the blog name with the name on the nametag, and there goes whatever illusions of anonymity I have. Is this even an issue? Probably not as much as I make it out to be---I probably am not as anonymous as I'd like to think I am. But I still worry about it.

(Also, related to the last point, I'll have students with me, who will ostensibly be at some of the same sessions as me, and I really don't want to "come out" to my students, now or ever!!)

So, to be an "official" blogger or not? I'll have to ponder some more. Has anyone done anything similar, and if so, what was the experience like for you? Would you do it again?

Ambivalence, part 2

A few weeks ago I posted about being ambivalent about the start of the school year. I was hoping that by now I'd have found my rhythm and that the rhythm and routine of the school year would help me feel better about all things school-related.

Well, I'm still waiting for the ambivalence to disappear.

I don't feel good about myself right now, about being back at school, even about being in social situations with my friends. I'm usually fairly outgoing among my friends and co-workers. Lately? I hide in my office unless I absolutely have to talk to someone, and when I'm out with friends I'm strangely quiet. I just don't know what to say or how to engage with people right now. I'm slow returning emails and phone calls. I feel like I have to try really hard to be social and "interesting" to people. I feel like I just complain all the time---maybe that's why I'm reluctant to engage with people I care about.

School-wise, my confidence is at an all-time low about my teaching. I'm teaching some really great stuff to some really interesting students, and one of my courses has a ton of buzz around it (but interestingly, only from people outside my department). But my brain has chosen to play, in an infinite loop, all the negative things that my colleagues have said about my teaching. As a result, I find myself starting to do some really unhealthy things, like overprepare for class, stress about things beyond my control, and second-guess every pedagogical decision I make.

I thought I was hiding this fairly well, but yesterday a colleague I'm really close to pulled me aside and said "You do not look happy. Something is definitely wrong. Tell me what's up." And it was then that I realized that I've been in denial about this stuff for a long time now, and that I had to do something to make me feel like I have some semblance of control over my work life, which is where I think this all originated in the first place.

So for now, I'm in a funk. I'm trying to find my way out of it, muddling through life for now. I'm not sure how long I'll be here, or if this is just a temporary thing or one that will linger. Hopefully I'll figure this all out soon.

The cloud and the silver lining

This morning there was a paper rejection in my Inbox.

The "cloud" aspect of this:

• It's a rejection. Rejections suck as a general rule.


• Very few helpful revision comments. I sent the paper to a conference in a field in which this work does fall (it straddles several subfields), and the comments all focused on things that, frankly, are peripheral issues to this particular work. (I hate when that happens!) I should have anticipated the comments and addressed them in the paper, but I didn't. Lesson learned.


• This is the third go-round for the paper. Well, let's call it 2.5, since the first time I resubmitted it I made almost no revisions before turning it around. I really thought I had adequately addressed all of the earlier shortcomings. I really thought it had a good chance of being accepted.


• I really wanted to go to this conference. I've never been. (I might still go, depending on the travel budget this year, but we'll see.)


• I have to put writing up new aspects of my work on hold until I can turn this paper around.

The "silver lining" aspect of this:

• The worst reviewer only marked it "weak reject". The other reviewers recommended it be accepted (at various levels of accept). So the paper definitely has merit. Which I knew already, but it's nice to have that reaffirmed.


• There is a deadline for another conference coming up quickly. I was planning on submitting new work (see above), but getting very stressed out because the writeup/analysis is going much slower than I'd like and I wasn't sure if I could make the deadline. Resubmitting this paper instead means a ton less work for me for this deadline, and means that I can submit the new work to a conference with a deadline later in the fall.


• This other conference is both more prestigious and a better fit for this work. Hopefully that means our chances of acceptance are good.


• I now know how to make this work look more acceptable to this particular subfield. Which means I could potentially broaden the scope/exposure of this work. Which is definitely A Good Thing.

My haiku

Haiku2 for seejanecompute
the start of the new school year brings thoughts of staffing up your research labs
@ aboutmylife.netblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

Found at PowerProf's.

The explanation of how the haikus are generated is also interesting. (Another interesting note: a variation of this process is often used as an assignment in CS1 or CS2 classes---it's a neat assignment and students generally have a lot of fun with it.)

UPDATE: Ooooh, this is addictive! I just got this one, which is oddly appropriate:

but none of which are
getting me any closer
to having a clue

Academic new year's resolutions

Idea shamelessly borrowed from Geeky Mom.

I have decided that my theme for the 2006-2007 academic year is "Take Back My Life". So, with that in mind and without further ado, here are my academic new year's resolutions:

1. Learn to let things go. This year, I resolve to not let those people who normally push my buttons and make my life generally miserable get to me. I will ignore or avoid them whenever possible, and when this is not possible, I will figure out effective ways to diffuse their button-pushing. (Suggestions are welcome!)

2. Rediscover my "fun side". I'm good about taking care of myself in some ways---I work out regularly and eat very well---but I'm not at all good about taking time out to do stuff like spending time on hobbies, calling friends, or taking Mr. Jane out on dates. This year, I resolve to take some time each week to nurture my relationships and to rediscover the other things I used to like to do, like crafting.

3. Continue to take time off each week. Taking one weekend day completely off is so vital for my mental health. I resolve to continue doing this, and to try and take two weekend days off whenever possible.

4. Submit my work to journals. My work is mature, I have more than enough material, and my results are really good, so no more excuses! My goals: one article submitted by mid-December, and one by May.

5. Become a "smarter" teacher. One of the realizations I made this summer is that I know what I should be doing when it comes to class prep and such, but I don't always practice what I preach. This year, I resolve to reflect on my teaching practices, to ruthlessly decide what's working and what's not, and to work towards becoming a balanced, effective teacher. To do this, I'll be keeping a teaching journal and taking advantage of more of the teaching resources available on campus. I need to figure out what works for me in this environment and with these students, and that's what I hope my teaching journal and my reflections will help me do.

And last, but not least.....
6. Go to Grace Hopper and have a rip-roaringly good time!

Ambivalence

That's the best word to describe how I feel right now. Particularly about the start of the new school year.

I'm ambivalent about the start of school, partly, because this has been a really productive summer for me, research-wise. Of course research doesn't stop when classes start, but I am a bit resentful that I now have to split my energies and attention between teaching and research. Yes, I realize that's why I'm in this job in the first place, and yes, I do really enjoy this usually, but right now, coming off of a summer where 90-95% of my energy was spent on research and where I made seriously substantial progress on my work, it's been really hard to make this adjustment.

But mainly I'm ambivalent because I'm still reeling from the fiasco that was my third year review last year. A big part of me can't get excited about teaching because, well, what's the use? I'm not at all sure that I am going to get tenure here. I'm trying so hard not to think this way, to take the view that I know my weaknesses as a teacher and can work on them and become a better teacher. And I do have to say that I'm so excited about my classes---I have great students (for the most part, so far), I absolutely love the material I'm teaching, I feel more prepared than I have before, and I have some great ideas for improving my teaching that I'm looking forward to putting into practice. But I can't get over the despair and the feeling that in the end, it still won't be enough. Hence, the ambivalence.

What I'm going to do today, to try and get myself fired up to teach, is to reflect a bit on my goals for the coming school year. Geeky Mom had a great post recently on academic year resolutions, and so I'm going to come up with my own resolutions. And if all else fails, I have a sabbatical to look forward to later this year---which, if all else fails, should serve as some kind of motivator for me.

Four pounds of tomatoes

That's what's come out of our garden over the past 2 days. And that's not even counting the cherry tomatoes, which we've been eating like they're going out of style.

What does one do with so many tomatoes? Why, make Roasted Tomatoes, of course!! Mmmmmmmmm. I can't wait for dinner!

Oh, and the garden also yielded a monster zucchini. Most of our zucchini gets turned into Zucchini Cakes, which are like crab cakes only with zucchini instead of crab. Double mmmmmm.

In case you're interested, here are the recipes:

ROASTED TOMATOES
Cut up 2.5 lbs of fresh garden tomatoes (not roma) into smallish wedges. (Medium tomatoes should be cut into 6ths, large into 8ths.) Place and spread out in a 2 quart metal baking pan. (Or use a roasting pan if you're making a large batch.) Pour 1 cup extra-virgin olive oil over the tomatoes and sprinkle with salt. Roast in a 400 degree oven for 30 minutes. Turn down the oven to 350 and roast for another 30 minutes. Then turn down the oven to 300 and roast for another 30 minutes. At this point, the tomatoes should be a bit dark at the edges; if not, turn down the oven to 250 and roast for 10-15 more minutes. Remove from oven and cool for 20 minutes, then move tomatoes and oil to a glass or china dish and let sit for 4-6 hours at room temperature. Store the tomatoes with the oil in the fridge, covered, or freeze with the oil. Serve over pasta or do what we do, eat them out of the container with a spoon. :)
(recipe from Lynne Rosetto Kasper's The Italian Country Table)

ZUCCHINI CAKES
Combine 2.5 cups shredded zucchini, 1 small chopped onion, 1 egg, 1 tablespoon melted butter, 1 teaspoon mustard, 3/4 teaspoon seafood seasoning, and 1 cup bread crumbs in a large bowl. Shape the mixture into 6 patties. Cook the patties in a skillet (with a bit of oil or non-stick spray) over medium heat, 4-6 minutes per side, until golden brown.
(recipe from Quick Cooking)

Thursday smorgasbord

* One of the perks of working from home: Today Mr. Jane took a conference call while lying down on the living room floor. How he was able to do so and stay awake and engaged in the call, I have no idea. (But wouldn't it be nice if we could all lounge around during long meetings?)

* One of the downsides of both of us working from home: Mr. Jane and I have vastly different ideas as to what constitutes acceptable lunchtime TV watching. Our compromise so far is "whoever gets to the remote first, wins". I doubt this is a good strategy for the long run.

* Do they sell booster seats for office chairs? Because I think I need one. My home desk is slightly too high (or my chair is slightly too low...take your pick), and I don't want to go the keyboard tray route (sometimes I just want to type on my laptop without having an external keyboard attached). Plus, I like my current desk chair. My temporary solution is to sit on a pillow. I doubt this is ergonomically sound.

* I am now using my Mac almost exclusively. (Sorry, Linux.) I'm loving it!

* I've been working way too much lately. I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off to tackle those crafting projects that have been gathering dust for much of the summer. Woo hoo!

Scary moment

Yesterday afternoon, I went for a run. The weather was nice and it wasn't too hot, and I had finished a whole bunch of class prep stuff, so I decided to reward myself with a run. (Yes, I know, I'm weird.)

The run wasn't one of my better ones. The first 10-15 minutes were OK, normal pace, all that jazz. After that, I started to feel really, really tired. I was sucking down water and struggling through terrain that I usually do with ease. I had to stop and walk up a short but steep hill that I normally handle with ease. I felt myself starting to cramp.

And then I ran out of water.

The younger me would have kept running. "Hey, I'm only a mile or so from home; I'll be fine!" But the older, wiser, post-almost-ended-my-running-altogether-injury me knows that no run is worth risking my health over. That dehydration on a warm summer day is nothing to take lightly. That cramps and fatigue are not good signs. So I stopped running and walked the rest of the way home, slowly, so that the cramps would stay at bay.

I think what happened is that I was dehydrated at the start of my run, and that things just deteriorated from there. And unfortunately, around here none of my running routes have water fountains (not even at the parks! unbelievable), so whatever water I carry is the only water I have for my run, and that was clearly not enough this time. I'm still dehydrated today.

Part of growing up is having the wisdom to know when to push yourself and when to give yourself a break. Sometimes you need the push to get yourself past complacency, but other times pushing will just leave you broken, injured, burned out. Knowing the difference is tricky; it comes with experience, but also in trusting your instincts. Trusting my instincts yesterday definitely prevented me from injuring myself or suffering heat exhaustion. In the past, I have ignored my instincts and suffered the consequences (the injury I mentioned above was one of those times).

I wish I could remember this lesson more often in my professional life, too.

I'm in denial

I must be in denial, because for the past three days (Thurs, Fri, and today), the top item on my to-do list has been "Prepare for classes". Specifially, prepare for this brand-spanking-new class I'm teaching. How much work have I actually done on this item? Zero.

On the flip side, procrastinating on that one task has made me super-productive on just about everything else in my life:
* I've run a bunch of new experiments that one of my summer research students never bothered to do (and that I didn't realize until last Friday---when I really needed the data. Oops. That made for a fun Friday night).
* I've updated and cleaned up a bunch of code. Sometimes undergrads write really bizarre code. This might be a topic for a separate post.
* I've cleaned out my Inbox and sent a bunch of way-overdue emails. And filled out a bunch of surveys. Everyone wants my opinion. I am powerful!! (yeah, right)
* I've done a ton of writing. (there's so much more to do though!!)
* I've gone back-to-school shopping. I didn't need much, just a few "staples" (like khaki pants that actually fit me and are flattering---thank you, Banana Republic!). I also ordered a computer bag online. I figured it was time to get a real, stylish bag and stop carrying around those cheapie conference tote bags. Wow, I must be a grownup now!
* I've updated my CV for this professional volunteer opportunity I've been invited to apply to.
* I've started reading through the stack of journals, etc that have been piling up for months now. I've already found stuff that I can use in my fall classes. (Hmm, maybe that should count as class prep?)

All good stuff, but none of which are getting me any closer to having a clue as to what I'll be doing in the classroom this fall. So today, I swear that I will do some real, actual class prep!!

After lunch, of course. :)

Working with undergraduate researchers: The hiring process

This is a long overdue post inspired by Iris's comments to my post on the care and feeding of research students. Since the start of the school year is quickly approaching (eek!), and since the start of the school year brings thoughts of staffing up your research labs, it seemed like an appropriate time to write about how I go about selecting undergraduates to work in my lab.

First, the procedure is a bit different for hiring students to work during the school year vs. during the summer. So I'll talk first about the skills I look for in students in general, and then I'll talk specifically about hiring during the year and hiring for the summer.

Skills I look for in a student
The three main things I look for in an undergraduate researcher are motivation, enthusiasm, and curiosity. Of these, motivation (and particularly self-motivation) is the most important, hands-down. Doing research requires undergrads to work independently and to figure things out on their own a lot of the time. There are not a lot of external rewards, no due dates, no single path to an answer. Thus, being self-motivated is vital: can a student stay on track without due dates and without the pressure of an exact deadline? Motivation is hard to judge, so I'll go by things like performance in my classes (did the student go above and beyond in some aspect of the course), performance in my colleagues' classes, or hobbies (is the student doing significant side projects that require a lot of independent learning?). Curiosity goes hand-in-hand with motivation: is the student sufficiently motivated to learn things on his or her own, pick up a new programming language, do lit searches? Curiosity also goes hand-in-hand with enthusiasm. When a student displays enthusiasm about the project, I know that s/he has some sense of the bigger picture. This enthusiasm often helps the student through the rougher parts of the project (when things aren't going well or it turns out we're pursuing the wrong question) and provides an impetus for the student to learn the skills necessary to do the work.

Hiring during the school year
My goals for hiring undergrads during the school year vary somewhat. Sometimes, I have a specific task I'd like a student to do---I'm trying to get a paper out and need a particular analysis done, or there's a small question that a previous student didn't finish with that I'd like closure on. Or, there's a particular question that I think a student or two could make headway on during a semester/term. In this case, if I have a specific student in mind (say, someone who's worked on the project previously), I'll try to hire that student. Otherwise, I'll typically post announcements in our newsletter, and announce in my classes, that I'm hiring a student to do X, and that interested students should come and see me. Other times, my goal is recruitment: I want to try and convince a student that she should become a CS major, and so I recruit that student directly and find a research problem from my own work that interests her. And sometimes, I try to hire someone that I think might be a good fit for a summer position in my lab---sort of like a trial hire.

In any case, in addition to the skills I mentioned above, I look for someone who has time to devote to research. I tell them up front how much time per week I expect them to devote to the project, roughly what I expect to be done each week, and talk with them frankly about their other commitments. Having someone who is extremely self-motivated is vital; otherwise, it is too easy for life to get in the way of research. If I'm not sure about a student, I'll go around and ask my colleagues about performance in their classes or work the student has done for them, etc.

Hiring for the summer
Because I'm not distracted by 80,000 other things during the summer, and can spend more time concentrating on research, I can actually afford to take a few more risks with my summer hires. It is easier to teach an undergraduate how to "do" research when I can sit down with him or her for a couple of hours to work through a problem, rather than trying to squeeze things into a thirty-minute meeting twice a week. If I'm hiring multiple students, then, I will often use one of the slots to hire someone I think has potential, but has not necessarily demonstrated it yet. Someone, for instance, who gets solid grades in our CS classes but is not a superstar; someone who is clearly eager to learn and willing to put in the time to do so; usually a younger student, one of our newly-declared or probably-will-declare majors. If I do this, I'll also hire a slightly more experienced student to serve as a peer mentor to the student, and help get him or her up to speed on the project.

Basically, then, I look for solid grades and enthusiasm, as well as personality. If I'm hiring multiple students, I try to hire students who I think will work well together: either their personalities complement each other, or they have similar working styles. This is difficult to get right, and it's backfired on me once before, but I usually do a good job of picking students who work well together. If I'm hiring a single student, I look for someone who's mature enough to work independently and grapple with harder, unfocused problems, and who's comfortable working with me.

***
So that's a glimpse into my own personal hiring process. As you've noticed, there's a lot of fuzziness to it, a lot of subjective decisions. Sometimes I'm not sure how or why it works, but so far it's worked rather well for me.

Back to reality

The nice thing about the academic summer schedule? Coming back from a long weekend, not feeling like doing any work, and being able to indulge that. It's kind of nice to come home late at night, spend the next morning catching up on mail, email, and grocery shopping, and then lounging in the back yard the rest of the afternoon as a reward. Aaaahhhh. As a result, today I was ready and eager to dive back into my work, and I've been very productive. Well, except for the 20 minutes I spent playing with the fonts in my editor. But hey, we all need a break, no?

Random Thursday snippets

* I just typed "Random Wednesday snippets" before I realized that it is, in fact, Thursday. Where the hell did the week go??

* I have been insanely productive this week. (I even got some writing done while on campus yesterday---I guess I hid from my colleagues pretty well.) In fact, I'm so tempted to bring my laptop with me on this weekend's trip---I can do work on the plane! Just write a few paragraphs after everyone else has gone to bed!---but I'm not going to. A long summer weekend away from work is much better for my mental health than pushing myself and possibly getting burned out.

* I got my hair cut yesterday. The cut is not much different from my normal cut, but when I saw myself in the mirror after the stylist finished, I seriously did not recognize myself. My stylist assured me I could replicate the look at home...we'll see.

And on that note, I'm off to pack and off for a long weekend of summer fun! See you all next week.

Book meme

I've been tagged by skookumchick for this meme (I never get tagged! I guess it's my lucky day), so as a reward for my full day of writing (woo hoo! the motivation is back!), I'm taking some time to fill it out.

1. One book that changed your life?
I'm going with two books here, that changed my life for different reasons.

The first one is Backlash, by Susan Faludi. This was the first feminist book that I ever read (I was in college at the time), and it just blew me away. I had never given feminism much of a thought before this, but this book made me think about everything differently, made me question my priorities, made me think more critically about what I was learning and reading. I read it at a time when I was feeling especially isolated, as one of only a few women in my major, taught exclusively by male profs---and it gave credence to my feelings at the time. It even got me to sign up for a women's studies course---I had no room in my schedule, but I made room in it for that course. This book was the first step towards developing the more active feminism that I now live by.

The second book is less lofty: The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver. I read a lot of books, but a while back I found myself in sort of a rut---not excited by the authors I was reading, not sure what authors to try. A good friend suggested I read it. I picked it up at the library---and pretty much read it non-stop from start to finish. I was so drawn into the story and the characters. There is something about the way that Kingsolver writes that just speaks to me on a very deep level. I love her writing, the way she develops her characters, the way she sets scenes, the way her stories unfold. This book opened me up to a whole new group of authors, like Jane Hamilton, Anne Tyler, and Anita Shreve.

2. One book you have read more than once?
As a kid, I read the Anne of Green Gables books over and over and over again. I still have them, and still re-read them from time to time. I was pretty shy, and so I admired Anne immensely and wanted so much to be like her. In some ways, I think those books helped me to come out of my shell, ultimately. Now, I just enjoy them---the stories are still entertaining after all these years.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?
OK, this is really geeky, but if I were stranded on a desert island then I would want to read Donald Knuth's 3-volume The Art of Computer Programming. Because otherwise I'll never get around to reading them.

4. One book that made you laugh?
Ms. Mentor's Impeccable Advice for Women in Academia. I know, a weird choice, but there's just something about her writing style that cracks me up.

5. One book that made you cry?
I don't often cry over books---I get deeply affected by them, but rarely am moved to tears. But The Fifth Child, by Doris Lessing, was so wrenching that I did cry over parts of it.

6. One book you wish had been written?
A sequel to any of Barbara Kingsolver's books. I'd love to hear what happens to the characters after the story!

7. One book you wish had never been written?
Any of the Mars and Venus books by John Gray. Ick.

8. One book you are currently reading?
Wicked. I know, I know, I'm so far behind the rest of the world on this one. I'm really enjoying it, although I hated the beginning (now that Elphaba's away at school, it's much more interesting).

9. One book you have been meaning to read?
Lifting a Ton of Feathers, by Paula J. Caplan. It's been on my bookshelf for a while, untouched!

10. Now tag five people:
Oh geez. Um, how about Katie, New Kid, FemaleCSGradStudent, ianqui, and Lisa. And anyone else who wants to participate!

An abundance of research riches

UPDATE: Thanks to all of you for your suggestions! I've decided, as many of you pointed out, that writing is the best use of my time right now, so that's what I'll be concentrating on for the rest of the summer. First, because if I do decide to leave then more pubs will make me more marketable (and if I stay, it will help my tenure case). Second, I realized yesterday that it's much easier for me to get the tasks that the side project requires---writing scripts, analyzing data---done while teaching, so I'm more likely to make better progress on that during the term than I am on writing during the term. So the plan is to get one conference paper done and ready to submit, along with at least a very rough draft of the journal paper (which will mainly entail cutting and pasting pieces of conference papers together), by the end of the month. We'll see how it goes!

Original post
On Sunday nights, Mr. Jane and I have this ritual where we ask each other what our plans are, work-wise, for the week. Usually, I have a ready answer for the question, because usually I'm in the middle of something. But this time, I didn't have an answer. I've just finished writing up something I've been working on for a while, and the "problem" (it's a good problem to have!) is that now I have three or four different directions in which I can go. All of the options are equally promising/intriguing, and I don't have a clear vision as to which one I should tackle first. I'm hoping that blogging about it will bring some clarity.

One possibility is writing up another conference paper, or two, on results that at most will require 1-2 additional short experiments or analyses. The ideas for the papers came up as I was writing up the last conference paper. There are things that were left out of the paper for space reasons and for topical reasons that I think can be turned into 1 or 2 additional conference papers rather easily (and I think I've found appropriate venues for both). Pros: More publications, more lines on the CV, potentially. Cons: the summer's ending quickly; should I instead be spending my time doing experiments and collecting data? (i.e., is writing the best use of my limited time?)

Another possibility also involves writing: I definitely have enough material and results for a journal paper, so I could spend some time getting a draft done and possibly submitted by the end of the summer. Pros: Big publication points for journal articles--I'm doing well in that category but could always use more. Plus there is an increasing amount of interest in my work, so strike while the iron is hot, as they say. Cons: see above.

The third possibility is to spend more time on this little side project I started earlier this summer, which at some point will play a much bigger role in my work but for now is more exploratory in nature. It might lead to a paper, but it's not guaranteed. But it definitely needs to be done at some point. Pros: Finishing this will clarify where I go next with a crucial part of my research. Plus, it's been on my mind for a while, so finishing it will be psychologically freeing. Cons: The payoff is not immediate; this is definitely longer-term work.

So that's my current dilemma. I realize that I can work on a subset of these simultaneously, but for my own sanity I need to feel like one of these is *the* number one priority. Otherwise, I'll just flit from task to task and not accomplish anything. What to do??

Thanks, everyone!

I just wanted to say a big huge THANK YOU to everyone who left comments to my last post. I cannot completely or convincingly convey just how much it means to have so many caring people out in the blogosphere. One of the reasons I started this blog was to find a way out of the isolation I was increasingly feeling at my job and to find an outlet for those little frustrations that come along with being a woman in a STEM field (and in an environment with sometimes well-meaning but generally clueless people). Time and time again, I am overwhelmed by the support that you readers have leant me. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

We now return to our regularly-scheduled blogging. :)

Fed up

Yesterday was a baaaad day. I may have reached my last straw. It's over 24 hours later, and I'm still thinking about it, obsessing over it, and judging by the amount of time and energy I've thrown into around-the-house projects rather than actual real work, still very upset over it.

The actual incident is not worth describing. Really, it's one of those small-stakes things that, taken out of context, doesn't seem like a big deal at all. The point is not the action itself, but the spirit in which the action was carried out. Because it is abundantly clear that the action was not only done deliberately and with forethought, but was done deliberately to hurt me.

Hostile work environment, anyone?

I'm trying not to do anything rash right now, like contact all of my outside mentors and say "help me get the hell out of here", or place something rotten and stinky in the perpetrator's mailbox, or throw things. Although all of those sound like great ideas right now. I'm trying to put the incident out of my mind as much as possible. (I had almost succeeded, until the perpetrator send me an email this morning with an "apology" that was more insult than apology.) I'm really trying to fight the despair that I've felt in varying degrees for most of the past year and that is at an all-time high right now.

I'm really hoping it all subsides soon. In the meantime, maybe I'll just add a quick synopsis of this little incident to that super-secret tenure folder I've been keeping.....

Taking back my summer

I have a confession to make:

I have been intentionally and willfully ignoring school-related emails and phone calls lately.

The past few weeks have been busy: students finishing up, deadlines to meet, other various things going on. So at first, the ignoring of emails was more along the lines of "I'm too busy right now, I'll respond in a day or so when I have time." Then day turned into days turned into a week...you know how it goes.

This is totally unlike me. But as the emails piled up, I realized a few things:
* There are too many people that want to have too many meetings this week.

* I want and need to take a break from work this week, now that things have calmed down. I need and want to do a bit of work, but I don't need or want to work full-time this week.

* If I don't attend these meetings, it really doesn't matter. I have yet to get an email saying "has anyone heard from Jane?" So I take that to mean that, while I'm interested and involved in the greater initiatives, the world won't end if I play hooky.

* It's very freeing to not respond, and I don't feel the least bit guilty.

So I'll be spending this week doing some work in the mornings, but mainly catching up on my fun reading and my nap-taking and on a few household projects. Mainly, though, I'll be hiding from my school responsibilities (except for one, which really is necessary) and continuing to ignore the demands in my Inbox. That, after all, should be what summer is all about.

Intentions and realities

My to-do list for this morning:
* Go for a run.
* Finish edits on conference paper sections added/revised on Friday (they're done on paper, they just need to be added to the electronic version).
* Finish intro, conclusion, and abstract for conference paper.
* Respond to the backlog of emails piling up in my inbox (what is it about next week that *everyone* wants to have a meeting??).

What I've actually done this morning:
* Went for a run.
* Responded to a couple of emails (but not the most urgent ones, of course).
* Read blogs.
* Chatted on the phone with a friend.
* Registered and made hotel reservations for this conference. Spent (no lie) 20 minutes debating between the various room choices.
* Complained about the heat.

Oh well. Hopefully this afternoon will be slightly more productive.

A day filled with data

Have you ever stared at data so long that it gave you a headache?

Yeah, it was one of those days. Finishing up the data analysis so that we can meet a fast-approaching deadline, we were derailed a bit when we discovered a small error in our analysis. Luckily, it was very minor, and we were able to rerun the necessary experiments quickly. Unfortunately, the new analysis shows that our results are not as good as they were before. They're still good, but it's not a slam-dunk. But there are definitely some new and interesting trends in the corrected data. The problem is that there's something there, some worthwhile insight, in the data that I can intuitively sense but that is not 100% clear to me. Hence, spending most of the day staring at data, replotting it different ways, calculating different errors, printing out graphs and tables, hoping to grasp that crucial insight that I know is there but is so far eluding me. I was hoping to finish this section of the paper today, but I reached a point where I just couldn't think straight anymore, so I went home. Ah, summer.

I'm not too worried at this point--the insight will either come to me, or else I'll come up with some other "good enough" explanation to meet the deadline. Sometimes patience is your best friend when dealing with tricky data. My undergrads, though, are completely mortified. I think I spent as much time today giving them pep talks: no, this is not entirely your fault; no, this does not mean that everything you did this summer is worthless; no, having your hypothesis partially disproved is not the end of the world, and in fact most of the time this leads to the most interesting results. I suspect that I'll have cheerleader duty again tomorrow.

What this experience made me realize is how much of a teacher experience is. I can remember as an undergrad being *terrified* of messing up--that if I made a mistake, I'd be fired from the lab. Even as a grad student, early on, I was afraid of the wrong turn, the dead end, the experiment that didn't work out as planned. Time and experience taught me to value these experiences, to look for the dead ends, to pull something out of even the most badly botched experiments. This is not something any one person taught me, and I know that nothing I say will help my students learn this lesson either. As with my data, the only thing I can do to help my students is to patiently repeat the message that everything will turn out fine in the end, in the hopes that someday much later, they'll understand what I meant.

Constructing my dream department

Sometimes, when I've had a particularly rough or trying day (like today), I fantasize about my ideal, dream department. Here's a snapshot of what that department would look like:

* More than one woman on the faculty (duh).

* Statements that imply that opening up the major/our classes is equivalent to "dumbing down the major" would be completely banned. Offenders would be drop-kicked out the nearest window.

* Disagreement would not be feared and avoided, but rather seen as an opportunity for discussion and growth.

* Creative, "big picture" thinking would be embraced, not ridiculed.

* Colleagues would not make themselves feel better by repeatedly putting down others.

* Gratuitous one-upmanship (uppersonship?) would be banned. (Hmm, this seems somewhat related to the point above.)

* Senior faculty would be good models for junior faculty, or at least provide explicit guidelines for junior faculty, in terms of balance, service, research, and/or teaching.

* Good, effective mentoring of junior faculty, and more frank discussions between junior and senior faculty about our concerns, our struggles, and our workloads.

* And last but not least, I would possess a big clue stick and have free reign to use it as necessary on my colleagues. :)

What's on your "dream department" wish list?

scientiae-carnival

The summer from hell

This is turning out to be one heck of a busy summer. I knew going into the summer that the first half was going to be a bit full, but I had no idea that it would be *this* full. Luckily, the end is in sight (just another week and a half to go!), but getting there has been and will continue to be quite the struggle. Deadlines, students requiring attention, tons of technical problems (why is it that computers only break when you're under deadline??)--you name it, it's happening to me. The holiday break was nice, but still doesn't make up for the uber-stressful week last week and the even-more-stressful week I'm having now.

One thing I have been (mostly) good about is not bringing work home with me every single night. That's probably the only thing keeping me from going stark raving mad right now--the down time. And this weekend I'll have a nice much-needed break (a computer-free weekend! I so need that right now), which will make up for the fact that I'll be working all next weekend. Yeesh.

In a sense, I feel like I'm being cheated out of my summer. Where's the relaxation? The time for reflection? The time to recharge? I know I'll have the opportunity to do all of this very soon, but part of me can't help feeling frustrated at all of this work and stress in my life right now.

In the meantime, here are a few things that are on my mind that I'll try to blog about in the next week or so:

* The elimination of computer science programs at Tulane and Loyola (that one's a subscription link; here's a free link) Universities, and what I think this says about the state of the field.

* Iris, in the comments on my post on working with undergraduate researchers, asked for insight on my hiring process. I also have a few other observations about working with undergrads that I want to blog about--in particular, how to handle criticizing their work.

* Tech problems that make me want to throw all of my computers out the window.

* More fun facts! I haven't done this in a while, so I think it's time for another week of Jane Fun Facts!

Any other topic suggestions?

Physical challenges, small victories

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I enjoy being physically active. I enjoy exercising, being outdoors, playing sports--there's just something so freeing and relaxing about being active, moving my body, pushing and challenging myself. This week was a banner week for me on that front, for several reasons:

* I finally mastered this one particular technique in a sport I regularly play that I've never been able to do before. And as I was doing it, correctly and perfectly, it was like I saw the whole thing unfolding in slow motion. (Maybe those of you who play sports know what I'm talking about--those rare moments when you get the timing perfectly correct, and you can just *see* everything clearly unfolding in front of you? It was exactly like that.)

* Several years ago, I injured myself pretty badly while running. For a long time, I thought I would never be able to run regularly again as a result of the injury. This week, I ran over 3 miles on 2 separate occasions--totally pain free. It has been a long and slow process to get to this point, so to say I'm ecstatic about this is putting it mildly.

* This weekend, I went cycling with Mr. Jane, and pushed myself to a level that I thought I was incapable of reaching. (I wonder if the running is helping my cycling?)

I feel like I spend so much of my time in my head; spending time focusing on the physical, and being able to celebrate those accomplishments, is a welcome change.