I am really disgusted with my lack of work ethic lately.
The best way to characterize the way I'm operating is "doing just enough to get by" (hence, the title of this post). It seems like I only have energy and time to do what's minimally necessary to not get fired from my job. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration---what I mean is that I am just doing what's absolutely necessary at this point for me to get by in the classroom without sucking, doing whatever admin stuff is absolutely necessary, and chucking the rest out the window. (On the flip side, I'm getting enough sleep for the first time in my life. That feels good.)
Unfortunately, this includes my research. And that's what really bothers me.
I have never struggled to get research done before. Research is something I strongly believe in, love to do, and more importantly have always made time (and set aside energy) to do. I started off the year ok, and having a paper deadline helped a bit. But ever since that paper was submitted, I've done nothing. Diddly squat. Not even so much as crack my research notebook open.
Could it be burnout? Maybe, but I've had tough deadlines before, met them, and carried on. Could it be the conference last week disrupting my schedule? Maybe, but I'd hate to use that as an excuse. Could it be that subconsciously, I'm thinking it doesn't matter because I'm on leave the rest of the school year? That could be part of it. Regardless of the reason, I need to and want to get back into the research habit.
I've struggled this entire school year with my workload balance in general, so much so that I even made myself a schedule for every day, with research (and exercise, and class prep) time scheduled in every day. But what I find myself doing is totally blowing off my schedule. I find other things that "need" to be done during my class prep time, or my research time, and do those instead of what I should be doing.
My goal for the rest of the week is to figure out what's blocking me right now, why time management seems to elude me, and what specific steps I can take to solve the problem. (Maybe I need to dig up my copy of The Now Habit and re-read it; that's helped me before.) And, of course, to go back to my schedule, take one of those hours set aside for research, and just do it.