I'm ambivalent about the start of school, partly, because this has been a really productive summer for me, research-wise. Of course research doesn't stop when classes start, but I am a bit resentful that I now have to split my energies and attention between teaching and research. Yes, I realize that's why I'm in this job in the first place, and yes, I do really enjoy this usually, but
But mainly I'm ambivalent because I'm still reeling from the fiasco that was my third year review last year. A big part of me can't get excited about teaching because, well, what's the use? I'm not at all sure that I am going to get tenure here. I'm trying so hard not to think this way, to take the view that I know my weaknesses as a teacher and can work on them and
What I'm going to do today, to try and get myself fired up to teach, is to reflect a bit on my goals for the coming school year. Geeky Mom had a great post recently on academic year resolutions, and so I'm going to come up with my own resolutions. And if all else fails, I have a sabbatical to look forward to later this year---which, if all else fails, should serve as some kind of motivator for me.