Yesterday was a baaaad day. I may have reached my last straw. It's over 24 hours later, and I'm still thinking about it, obsessing over it, and judging by the amount of time and energy I've thrown into around-the-house projects rather than actual real work, still very upset over it.
The actual incident is not worth describing. Really, it's one of those small-stakes things that, taken out of context, doesn't seem like a big deal at all. The point is not the action itself, but the spirit in which the action was carried out. Because it is abundantly clear that the action was not only done deliberately and with forethought, but was done deliberately to hurt me.
Hostile work environment, anyone?
I'm trying not to do anything rash right now, like contact all of my outside mentors and say "help me get the hell out of here", or place something rotten and stinky in the perpetrator's mailbox, or throw things. Although all of those sound like great ideas right now. I'm trying to put the incident out of my mind as much as possible. (I had almost succeeded, until the perpetrator send me an email this morning with an "apology" that was more insult than apology.) I'm really trying to fight the despair that I've felt in varying degrees for most of the past year and that is at an all-time high right now.
I'm really hoping it all subsides soon. In the meantime, maybe I'll just add a quick synopsis of this little incident to that super-secret tenure folder I've been keeping.....