95% of the time, I enjoy being a mom. Sure, it's challenging, and things rarely go smoothly, but I'm learning to accept the chaos and even enjoy it, because I realize that Baby Jane will only be a baby for a brief time.
The other 5% of the time, I really want to run away from home.
(Maybe it's closer to 90/10. Hmmm. Will have to think about this some more.)
Tonight fell into that 5% category. Mr. Jane was out, and that meant that bedtime duties fell solely to me tonight. Not usually a problem, since we have a pretty good routine established, and even though she's at her crankiest at bedtime, it's really short-lived, and she goes to sleep fairly quickly. But tonight was Bath Night. Now, Baby Jane looooves the bath, *except* when I'm the one giving it to her. When it's just me giving her the bath, she cries. A lot. It doesn't matter how warm or cold the water is, how quickly I try to get her washed and out of there, or how upbeat and happy I act while she's in the tub, she's unhappy with the process. Tonight, she not only cried, she SCREAMED. The whole time, from the moment I lowered her into the tub until well after she was dried off and in her pajamas, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Thank god the A/C was on so the neighbors couldn't hear.
And I totally lost it. I was so frustrated that I just started sobbing. And once I started, I couldn't stop.
The worst part was that Baby Jane had, unbeknownst to me, calmed herself down just at about the time my meltdown started...and once she saw me crying my head off, she joined in!
Ah, the joys of motherhood....
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8 comments:
Sorry about the rough day.
Boy, have I been there. It's amazing how such a little thing can make one feel so overwhelmed.
I hope you both sleep well tonight. My other half is on the road as well, and though my team is much older than Baby Jane, bedtime did not go smoothly and finaly I gave in to a good cry, too. It's OK for Moms to do that from time to time, think of it as a reboot!?
Awww, Jane, I know the feeling. I agree with Michelle, crying is like a reboot!
I've got a 4 month old. Simultaneously I'm trying to finish up two papers, write a grant, decide between several options for my next postdoc position, and cope with the fact that my little son has a medical condition which are either the first signs of a serious neurological condition or a random completely cosmetic and harmless birth defect.
I think I am definitely in the 90/10 category when it comes to my opinion on being a mom. And yes, I've had a few cry sessions too.
It's just life being life, you know. It was all pass and one day that little crying and complaining machine will thank you on their wedding day and, even later, will take care of your when your are old and senile and the very word "laptop" will have been forgotten.
The child will grow up just as you did. Again, it's life being life.
thanks for the comments, everyone! Glad to hear you've all felt that way before. And I love the idea of crying = reboot---thanks, Michelle!
(anachronism, sorry to hear about your son---keeping my fingers crossed that it's the latter and not the former!)
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