So damn tired

Super-long day today: left the house at 7:30am, got back home at 7:45pm. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Actually, the meetings, taken by themselves individually, were fine. Very productive, very energizing encounters with colleagues/students. I felt very much "on" today. But that's the problem....I was "on" for so long today that now I'm home and I just don't have any more energy left to give. I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I really just want to go to bed and curl up with a cup of tea and a trashy magazine. But I have work to do that must be done before I get to school tomorrow. I'm already behind and I can't afford to get any more behind. So tempted to cancel class and hide out in my office.

That's the problem with this job. I absolutely love it. Even the bad days are good, with very few exceptions. But it sucks the life out of me so easily. I can't tell you how many times I've walked out of my last class of the week and been almost incapable of thinking coherently. Or how many times I've walked out of a particularly productive meeting feeling great about how much we got done, but physically exhausted from the process of actually getting that stuff done. Sometimes by the end of the week, I physically feel like I've just finished running a marathon. And I wonder how long I can sustain this, and if it really does get any easier as you move through the system. Of course, I thought this year would be easier than the last, and in many ways it's been way more grueling. (That's a whole other post for another time.)

I just keep telling myself "just put in an hour and you'll be done." But it's hard to listen when my body and brain are both screaming for a reprieve.....